UPDATE, UPDATE, UPDATE

I am officially too lazy to update two blogs at the same time.

GO HERE

http://tbh.tumblr.com/
http://tbh.tumblr.com/
http://tbh.tumblr.com/
http://tbh.tumblr.com/
http://tbh.tumblr.com/


Love you.

Sweet, sweet victory

Fey recalls she was at her heaviest in Chicago and, later, sitting at a desk at S.N.L. “I’m five four and a half, and I think I was maxing out at just short of 150 pounds, which isn’t so big. But when you move to New York from Chicago, you feel really big. Because everyone is pulled together, small, and Asian. Everyone’s Asian.”

Vanity Fair via ONTD

YES. I HAVE BEEN VINDICATED. TAKE THAT THIN, NON-CHICAGOAN AZN WOMEN.

My Childhood Revisited

I LOVE that they made Gabby on “Desperate Housewives” fat with FAT Mexican daughters. It is so true to life, as my mother still blames my sister and I for ruining her figure.

“I WAS NINETY POUNDS BEFORE I HAD YOU. NINETY, 9-0”

Anyways, this clip is srsly like a glimpse into my childhood, right down to be scolded for having big heads.

I Need to Start Watching "60 Minutes"

Watch CBS Videos Online

M. Phelps, I miss your butterface. At least I have those Rock Band commercials.

Psst, Silver Foxzz. I didn’t forget you boo, how you doin?

Retail Madness

*Some of the Information has been redacted for privacy reasons*



Let's break this down piece by piece. I don't even think I helped this lady but you nev know.

"I found the salespeople rude, totally not interested in helping me find what I wanted."

I can't think of anyone I work with that is straight-up rude to our customers. Even if you were totally heinous, we would still help you, if only to get you out of the store that much faster.

"Of course they did not have my size in the boots I wanted. They told me they get shipments weekly and I could call or come back then."

When did you come in? Saturday when there's a line out the door and the entire Midwest region descends on the store? Sunday or Monday when we have yet to receive stock replenishment? Trust me, we want you to BUY our product, especially if we have it. I hate when people say "of course they don't have my size", it's not like I made a point to sell this show, in your size, so there wouldn't be any left when you came in.

And we do get shipments weekly, we just don't know what we're getting or when we'll have everything unpacked.

"When I asked if they would hold a pair for me, the girl looked at me like I was insane and said no."

This is literally what happens on a weekly basis.

Me: Can we hold these shoes for a customer?
Manager: What are you crazy?! It's the holiday season! No.

Two Days Later:
Me: I'm sorry ma'am, we can't do holds because it's holiday.
Manager: What are you CRAZY?! We need to make target, OF COURSE WE CAN HOLD THEM.

Of course, Dear Yelp-er this isn't your fault, but it's really not mine either. And I don't want to tell you I'll look out for a pair for you, if I won't be able to hold them.

"Then she said I could just order them online. AKA, I'm a lazy twit and I could care less about helping you."

Okay that's just rude bb, we only tell you that because it's another option and means for you to get the shoe you clearly REALLY want. What my girl was really saying was, "I'm sorry we didn't have your shoe but our company may still be able to accommodate you."

The beauty of online shopping is you know right away if the item you want is available, and you don't have to deal with us "lazy twits" who work 8-hour days, on our feet and knees, with people's bare feet all in OUR FACE.

"I'll never go back there, clearly they are not worried about repeat or local business. I hope they get enough tourists in there. I would much rather buy them at Nordstrom where I am treated with respect and get free shipping if they do not have what I want."

We love our repeat customers and yes we do get "enough" tourists. But go ahead, go to Nordstrom's. My cousin works there, so at least we're keeping your money in the family.

White Bread Babe(z): The Triple Stack

To quote a lesbian Walgreens employee that once hollered at me while I perused the candies, "God-damnnnn! I say, God-dayum!"

So sincere, this is a White Bread Trifecta. Jim, Michael Bluth and Becks. I want to get in-between each of these home slices.

Rom-Comz

Well this looks a hot mess.

I'm hoping that since Ginnifer* Goodwin has the biggest picture on this horrible poster, the movie will mostly focus on her.

She is probably the best actress in this ridic-ness, with the exception of Jennifer Connelly. (Girrrllll, what the f are you doing in this? Do you and the family need money? Are the TNT residuals from "A Knight's Tale" drying up?)

* Okay, one of my biggest pet peeves is when white people have elaborately spelled Anglo names. I don't blame the child, but I do take it out on them. To the parents: if you spent all that time trying to figure out how to creatively spell "Khristofer", couldn't you have come up with something BETTER?

I think this all stems from one of the loves of my life being bff with some girl named "Emilae." Your name is EMILY, GET OVER IT.

Yous

ChicagoPedia

"yous / USE / n. / Plural of the word "you," as in: 'The two of yous get outta da front room, and go play in da prairie.'"

Seeeeee? I have a documented medical condition.

P.S. I have no earthly clue what "prairie" refers to.

Hubba-hubba

via ONTD

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Scarlett Johansson's a babe.

Let's face it, Woody Allen's latest "muse" is not so good with the, how do you say, acting, but she sure does have a nice rack.



And yes, it's so totally, completely unfair that she is married to Ryan Reynolds who I imagine walks around the house all day like this:



And YES, she did particpate in bringing one of Justin Timberlake's Britney Spears' snuff films to the masses.

(I won't post the video. It's over NINE minutes long because Justin sees himself as some sort of AUTEUR.)

But even I can look past these short-comings and admire Scar Jo for the TOTAL BABE that she is.